She's back! Married, A mother, Mikail =)

And... Hey! It's 2016 and yet I'm not updated any single of my life story

.

Things changed, and I mean VERY VAST and FAST. Till I'm realize that I don't quite sure what I really want and until I'm realized that I'm already married. Hmmphh.

What is exactly happening to me? Why I felt so damn unhappy and feeling so empty? Is it me or its just about life changing?

TBH, sooooooo many things changed including with who I'm with. And to be honest also the reason I'm started back writing in this blog due to the load of boredom I'm having currently during my confinement period. And trust me, IT'S BORED to death.

3 May 2015- 4 January 2016

Got married on May 3rd 2015. Best day. EVER. But it's the last event we shared as a family together with my late brother Allahyarham Muhammad Fariz Haziq. The lost of him made us know that as blood related person, the lost of the person we love is the most horrible thing that ever happens. January 4th 2016, the date that any one of us will forget. He's the most sweetest thing that ever exist and I'd never expect that things will ever turned this way. So I guess, "qada' dan qadar" Allah is very enormous to handle.

18 February 2016 ( Thursday )

As for the very worried situation is, as a mother I'm having an issued. As I don't get the support from my husband to take care my beloved Mikail, I tend to do everything alone. Its quite heartbreaking and sad. I always wanted a husband who always that sense "TAK PAYAH CAKAP DAH TAHU NAK BUAT APE". But sadly, rasa macam kena seeking for his attention to do so. Siapa yang nak situasi macam ni lah kan? Ok, now we turning to Malay verse as I find out my English is quite lapuk and lambat. Haihhh tu la lain kali do embrace the language often in your daily life Ain. REMEMBER!

Rase nak cakap banyak lagi memandangkan I'm all alone face this berpantang situation. Rasa terkesan sangat rindu pada dia. Cara dia layan and kesabaran and the love he showed. I knew I can't get that back from him. I'm sorry for what had happened. I don't plan all this. Setiap masa sekarang terasa masih ada sayang yang dia tinggalkan. Dan aku tahu sangat salah untuk aku cakap macam ni sedangkan dah berkahwin. Dan kenapa keikhlasan tu susah nak rasa daripada suami sendiri? Sebab ape aku rasa macam tu? Sebab dia tak buat aku as his other half. Dia buat aku as a stranger yang kononnya kena ambil masa nak sayang. Dan tidak pernah adil dalam hal ni. 

And I know nobody said it was easy.

Sedih kita sendiri yang rasa. Dan aku ada Mikail untuk teruskan perjalanan hidup. Terima kasih Tuhan untuk kurniaan indah ini. Walaupun si dia masih belum rasa ada sense untuk tolong aku jaga anak ini seadanya, tak apa. Kau ada. Ya Allah, kau ada. Terima kasih. Alhamdulillah.

P/s : I believe there're still somebody who will love me. Sooner or later.

 

Sayang

Tiba-tiba semuanya. What else can go wrong?

Ini semua kerana affection dan sayang. Maaf kerana kasar.

Aku sudah hilang kawalan.

Anything can be as simple as I want to. All I have to do is let go the darkness and be happy as much as I wanted. This fragile eff-ing stubborn heart won't let it happen as a matter of fact, I do and hope everything will be okay and easy.

Am I that unimportant to you?

Am I not that interesting? 

Have I changed? 

Yes. I did notice that somehow I am not me.

Somehow I pretend to be happy while I'm not.

But,

The one and only thing I'm not pretending is my love and care towards this relationship. 

Those feelings are REAL.

Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna.

Bergolak

"Days grew longer and night grew shorter, I can show you I'll be the one."

Can it happen? Can it be understood? 

Can I request for it? Can you make sure that I'll be okay?

Boleh ke aku anggap ini semua mimpi ngeri?

Entahlah. 

Ianya perit.

Semoga hati tenang.  I missed the old me. The happy Farah.

Whatsapp

Tertanya-tanya setiap kali kejadian itu berlaku.

Tapi I've been asked to trust him.

But how accurate the coincidence can be?

And again, I kept it inside my heart.

Sebenarnya terlampau penat untuk bertanya. Pahit rasanya.

Because it's 5.24 AM

It's been a year and a half and the life of mine changed A LOT.

Yes. I mean A LOT.

After the biggest impact occurred last year, I moved to a new life which I found it absolutely CRAZY & WILD and it took my breathe away. I admit, I'm in love with "The Things" I've done and I'm in love with the job and new stunning friends, but hey, I did learned from my mistake. The sweetest mistake I'd ever done and menyesal itu memang ada. But thank you for the experience. Really appreciate it.

Thank you

Kak Eryn

Abang

Kieron

Nizar ( I hate him)

And after that phase, I moved to a new surrounding which is I do enjoy it to the max. Totally. People are nice and they loved me. The one who I thought who can't really understand me turns to be the one who can. Aviation is a new world for me and it is the world that I'd really want to work my ass off hard since I've graduated from my high-school. 

Things turned out to be crazy when someone purposely knocked the heart while I'm enjoying my life and he bring out the best of me. At first I don't believe what had happened because I do think it is impossible for us to work it out. Besides, we're totally "Just Friend". I swear I don't care but I knew, my heart said otherwise. He did played with my heart and let me down so so many times dan peritnya hati hanya aku yang tahu.

Just to be clear, I do believe in myself. If karma wanna punch me on the face, screw you. I do believe this is fate. As much as I want him to be my side, I really do hope he wants the same too. 

30th August 2014 hari bersejarah even lagi sekali disimbah dengan kesakitan 3 days before.  2nd of May 2015 will be the greatest day ever. Walau macam mana pun kau sakitkan hati aku, aku takkan mengalah. Aku bukan perempuan tipikal yang akan bow down begitu mudah. Kita belum kenal sepenuhnya lagi Cik Tunang :)

P/s : Adakalanya kepercayaan itu mengalir, dan adakalanya ia hilang. Tapi aku betul cintakan kau.

Perkahwinan

"Memang kita tidak akan menjangka apa yang akan berlaku dimasa hadapan..tetapi Tuhan sudah memperlihatkan keadaan sseorang itu sebelum melangkah lebih jauh lagi..memang tidak semua manusia itu sama namun kita pasti akan dapat merasakan sekiranya ada yang tidak kena dengan seseorang itu. 

 Amat bertuahla bagi seorang wanita itu apabila seorang lelaki itu memperisterikan seorang wanita tanpa meminta apa-apa pun darinya..kerana lelaki itu sedar, itu adalah tanggungjawabnya yang harus dilaksanakan..kata orang tua-tua terutama lelaki yang mencari dengan payah wang untuk mengawini seseorang wanita itu akan lebih DIHARGAI.. 

Memang perkahwinan satu perkongsian tetapi bukan dengan mengeluarkan wang untuk mengahwini seorang lelaki, malahan dalam ajaran agama pun menekan bahawa lelaki itu adalah kepala keluarga dan dia yang akan mencari nafkah, wanita juga akan membantu tetapi bukan mengambilalih peranan tersebut..Tetapi apa yang kita harapkan semoga wanita yang mengorbankan segalanya untuk lelaki itu tidak dipersia-siakan."

Credit to : http://marcannelolly.blogspot.com/2013/01/apabila-perempuan-mengeluarkan-belanja.html

Drama Queen & A Poser Guy

Heh. I thought so already. From the first beginning I do sense something was not right and guess what reader? I am right after all. Both of them are shit that stained the friendship. Oh I'm glad when I'm right ;) Hope karma will get back to you, freaking poser and how I wish you get the hell out of this town. Till then, F & A sucks :)

P/s ; Friends, I tell you the strongest invisible bond ever known to humanity and that's ... The Love.

Together, We Stand

People come, people go. They´ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures.

 Keep trying, even when you want to give up.

Kiddo

Mistakes are inevitable, what separates a person from others is the improvement made after a mistake is realized.

P/s ;Passion gives you courage, energy and persistence to stand up a million times after you hit the ground so hard.

7th March 2013

 Plus another year to my age.

 Sweet 22 Farah ;)

It's too much things I would love to share. But girls, THANK YOU for your effort!! It is priceless and awesome. THANK YOU for still believe in me and believe on this bad-ass relationship. You guys rock my world since we've met. Thank you again to my adorable kids (Smart Reader Kids), Sam, Sukuna and Anize :)

THANK YOU for ;

1) The ride - JAGUAR ;))

2) Polaroid camera ;))

3) Roses ;))

4) Hand painting Batik ;))

5) The spa treatment at Great Eastern Mall ;))
6) The dinner at Hilton Hotel ;))

7) The biography book of Justin Beiber ;))
8) The Ring ;))

9) The blouse ;))

10) The cake from Marriot Hotel Putrajaya ;))

11) The Big card! ;))

12) Flower hair clips ;))

p/s ; Many things in life that will capture your eyes, but only a few will capture your heart. Seek those.

Just give me a reason

"Bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can't go anywhere till you change it." 

You told me. You asked me. You pleaded me. I listen to you. Truly I do. But why this you gave me? Am I still at fault since you met the real me? Don't you know how unfair it is when this is happened? You asked me to be ready since very  LONG TIME AGO, but still you're the one who is not ready. I can do anything you want to do,want me to be. Only IF you me prove that you got what it takes to me and my old folks. Love can't really work on this matter babe. It's just can't. Someday, it will lead us to one decision only. 

We are pathetic. We tried so hard without find the major problem. When I saw the causes, still you denied it. You convinced me that everything just a piece of cake. It is eh? Stop pretending that everything doesn't matter to your life. Everything's are important or should I say NECESSARY. Please don't scares me with your act like this. This is not what I'm hoping for all this while when I'm with you. Is it my fault when I want the best for me and you? Tolong awak. Tolong serius. Matang. See things in different perspectives.

Your attitude/ response towards everything around you really scare me to death. You just don't realize what are your problems right? You think that is OK with you but eff-ing shit, IT'S NOT. You should listen carefully when people tell you what's wrong with you. Words you told me, vows you pledged, it doesn't works anymore. You only want 1 thing from me. It takes me a second to do that. But what will happen if I do what asked for and still, you still the same? Hanya serius pada ayat, pengakuan tapi tidak pada tingkah laku? Ini yang awak nak?

I see my future with you as not bright as I want to. When I mentioned this matter, you will always and always said I'm asked too much from you and you are not as rich as the previous guy I used to be with. Saya tahu siapa awak dan tolong cabar diri sendiri! Saya tak larat nak ulang benda yang sama! You're the one who gonna propose me one day and not me to do so to you. You know what, mum said you are not serious and take things for granted. Tak bersungguh dalam nak menjaga saya. 

She can't see what you can do and guess what? She will never let me go from her side until she can find a guy who really take a good care of me. She knows how aggressive I can be and how stern I am when I'm dealing with my life. And she's waiting for a guy who can beat that out of me. This is 100% true from herself and Aiesha just told me that. Again, another one of her relatives asking hand in marriage. This time, she asked that woman in front of me. How serious my mum can be about me and I don't think the plan that you plan will success. Our engagement day on September will disappear on the calendar.

P/s ; To make over myself is not that hard. It's just physically change. But how about you? How to change your life? Tell me when you're ready even though we are not same as we were before.

Tiada Duka Yang Abadi

Andai bisa ku mengulang 

Waktu hilang dan terbuang 

Andai bisa perbaiki segala yang terjadi 

Tapi waktu tak berhenti 

Tapi detik tak kembali 

Harap ampunkan hamba-Mu ini 

Waktu berputar rembulan dan matahari 

Bunga yang mekar akan layu akan mati 

Malam kan berakhir, hari kan berganti 

Takdir hidup kan di jalani

P/s ;

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

اَللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ وَسَلِّمْ عَلَى سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ

Freak

It's over and I'm glad they are all GONE. All of us are HAPPY :) 

And this is for them ; 

 Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

p/s ; Never tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon

The Dog Days Are Over :')

"Don't watch from the sidelines. Take to the field, and show everyone that you came to play" 

 Take note on this ; 

 The first step you make is more important than any of the others, because you actually START doing something.

P/s ; You can never really fix a heart.

That Afternoon

That note. The different personality. Still, it hurts. Deeply.

 I don't know why we all hang onto something we know we're better off letting go. Its like we're scared to lose what we really don't even have. Some of us say we'd rather have something then nothing at all, but the truth is , to have something halfway is harder, then not having it at all.

P/s ; Sometimes it's not about what makes you feel good, it's about what is RIGHT regardless of your feelings.

You Made It

The problem with people who only want what they can't have, is that once they have what they want, they don't want it anymore.   

P/s ; Give me time and i'll be okay

Thank You

P/s ; You can’t let other people tell you who you are. You have to decide that for yourself .

Madly Tears

Keep that beautiful smile on your face, believe in miracles. 

Be yourself & don't worry about anything. 

God has your life ready for you to go up & down and work threw hard times & challenges.

P/s ; Use every mistakes as a stepping stone to achieve your goals.

It's Time

Still not in a good condition but at least, I tried. 

Harder. 

From this point on, I'm going to treat people exactly how they treat me. 

Some should be glad. Others should be scared.

P/s ; Sometimes the blessings are after you've done the work

There was a time

That beach. The breeze.

That sky, that sunlight.

That happy faces.

It's only just THAT day.