And... Hey! It's 2016 and yet I'm not updated any single of my life story
Things changed, and I mean VERY VAST and FAST. Till I'm realize that I don't quite sure what I really want and until I'm realized that I'm already married. Hmmphh.
What is exactly happening to me? Why I felt so damn unhappy and feeling so empty? Is it me or its just about life changing?
TBH, sooooooo many things changed including with who I'm with. And to be honest also the reason I'm started back writing in this blog due to the load of boredom I'm having currently during my confinement period. And trust me, IT'S BORED to death.
3 May 2015- 4 January 2016
Got married on May 3rd 2015. Best day. EVER. But it's the last event we shared as a family together with my late brother Allahyarham Muhammad Fariz Haziq. The lost of him made us know that as blood related person, the lost of the person we love is the most horrible thing that ever happens. January 4th 2016, the date that any one of us will forget. He's the most sweetest thing that ever exist and I'd never expect that things will ever turned this way. So I guess, "qada' dan qadar" Allah is very enormous to handle.
18 February 2016 ( Thursday )
As for the very worried situation is, as a mother I'm having an issued. As I don't get the support from my husband to take care my beloved Mikail, I tend to do everything alone. Its quite heartbreaking and sad. I always wanted a husband who always that sense "TAK PAYAH CAKAP DAH TAHU NAK BUAT APE". But sadly, rasa macam kena seeking for his attention to do so. Siapa yang nak situasi macam ni lah kan? Ok, now we turning to Malay verse as I find out my English is quite lapuk and lambat. Haihhh tu la lain kali do embrace the language often in your daily life Ain. REMEMBER!
Rase nak cakap banyak lagi memandangkan I'm all alone face this berpantang situation. Rasa terkesan sangat rindu pada dia. Cara dia layan and kesabaran and the love he showed. I knew I can't get that back from him. I'm sorry for what had happened. I don't plan all this. Setiap masa sekarang terasa masih ada sayang yang dia tinggalkan. Dan aku tahu sangat salah untuk aku cakap macam ni sedangkan dah berkahwin. Dan kenapa keikhlasan tu susah nak rasa daripada suami sendiri? Sebab ape aku rasa macam tu? Sebab dia tak buat aku as his other half. Dia buat aku as a stranger yang kononnya kena ambil masa nak sayang. Dan tidak pernah adil dalam hal ni.
And I know nobody said it was easy.
Sedih kita sendiri yang rasa. Dan aku ada Mikail untuk teruskan perjalanan hidup. Terima kasih Tuhan untuk kurniaan indah ini. Walaupun si dia masih belum rasa ada sense untuk tolong aku jaga anak ini seadanya, tak apa. Kau ada. Ya Allah, kau ada. Terima kasih. Alhamdulillah.
P/s : I believe there're still somebody who will love me. Sooner or later.